LINE to Let Go

A few weeks ago, I lost my LINE application. It’s a free application for chatting, just like Whatsapp or WeChat — if those sound more familiar. I connect with my people in daily basis mostly with that app. We all know how virtual our lives has been nowadays but that’s not the point. Short story, I accidentally deleted my account for the sake of having more data memory in my phone during my exchange program abroad. I thought I could easily reinstall it whenever I come back to my country until I realized that I might get the application back but not all the chats and pictures I’ve ever received or given to all my friends. All gone in a slight move of a thumb.

A few weeks ago, I also had my birthday and I have this habit since I-don’t-know-when to screen-capture and save all the birthday wishes I get — mostly in the chat app — on the day. Then, every time I feel way too bored or too broken, I’ll just re-read all the wishes, prayers, and the good and sweet words to cheer me up, knowing that I am cared and loved. Yep, I could probably say that’s my kind of cure. But then unfortunately, this year I put off that habit and lightly thought that I could just do it later. Apparently, that has become never.

I was trying to be cool about this until I started recalling those sweet, nice, personal wishes from some of my most-loved ones. They are might just words but they are meaningful and nobody has an idea of how significant those words sometimes could be to me. Not to mention that perhaps next years they won’t write or wish that good or even remember my birthday anymore, who knows. Yet there’s nothing I can do. I can’t ask them to write it all over again — or now they can simply copy-paste-send it back to me actually but still I can’t.

Still sitting in grief, I tried to see with brighter eyes. This is something irreversible and there’s no point of regretting too much. In order to overcome, I tried to remember as many wishes and good words I received as possible. I tried to remember those feelings of gladness and content when I read through the wishes for the first time on my birthday. I breathe in all the memories and hope they will all stay and still cure from there, inside me.

And that’s how I learned to sincerely, let go.

August, 2015